I suspect I may be the worst blogger in the history of blogging.
It's February 29th (yes, 2012 is a leap year) and I have yet to make an entry on either of my blogs.
I haven't written since the end of October to document my Godmother's passing. And since then so much and so little has happened, that once again, it might be more productive to do this update via bulletpoint...or perhaps break things down by month??? Hmm that might work.
Here we go.
November 2011:
- My birthday month. Had a couple of great birthday get-togethers --- My "Princely" one at Club Head for the Original 7Ven CD release party and my "Salsarific" one at the "I Love Salsa Social" in Corona.
- Also my brother and brother-in-law's birthday month. We ate out a lot in November.
- It was my first birthday without Ninang. I missed hearing her voice calling to wish me a Happy Birthday. She never forgot my birthday.
- We get together 40 days after a person passes to pray, reminisce, and (typically) eat. This was the last time I saw the inside of my Godmother's house. I haven't been back since.
- Had two interviews right before Thanksgiving --- One with The Creative Group (I finally got registered with them) and the other with a family-owned manufacturing company in City of Industry (a complete waste of time).
- My girl, Miko went home to Chi-Town for the Thanksgiving holiday, so I got a chance to take care of the Larry Bear for a week. How can such a cute face be so mischievous??
December 2011:
- My Isaiah turned 3 this month. I can't believe how fast he's growing up. We went to Medieval Times to celebrate. Our knight looked like Kenny G. with a joust instead of his alto sax.
- I went to Long Beach to see a play with my mom. "Viva Christo Rey" I'm not sure how I got "bamboozled" into going. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was quality time with my mom. I can't complain about that.
- Miko graduated from The Art Institute. Her final weeks there were stressful. I found myself driving out to NoHo quite regularly to help her with her portfolio project and to attend her grad ceremony. I'm so proud of her. I know she's destined for great things. I just hope they happen sooner rather than later.
- Experienced the first blowup with my Dad since moving back home. It was the first time I really, truly, regretted moving back. The blowup was over something stupid --- as most family blowups usually are. I'm getting to learn the hardest way, that my folks are getting older and they're set in their ways...I'm not going to be able to change this. And sometimes, though it's difficult, it's best for me to just keep my mouth shut, smile and nod, and let things be said and done no matter how insane I think it is. This whole concept is something I fought against when I lived here before. It's something I never mastered. And it wasn't an issue when I lived by myself and my exposure to the family dynamic was infrequent. Now that I'm back, I have to take special steps to learn which battles are worth fighting...and which would be better left alone. I think there's a whole separate and special Serenity Prayer that has to deal with parents somewhere. I need to find that prayer.
- My mom turned 65 this month. We were planning a huge surprise birthday party for her. But my Godmother's passing threw everyone off-center. There were unexpected expenses and none of us were in the right frame of mind to plan a party when it was time to plan it. The more time we gave ourselves to heal, the closer to December it became. By the time we got back into "planning mode," it was to late. I'm still hoping we are able to put something together for her. We did it for my Dad. It's only appropriate to do the same for my Mom too.
- Had an interview with MULLIN TBG in El Segundo. The interview, from my POV, went great. But apparently, they didn't think so. I received an official rejection letter from them at the end of January. Nothing says, "You're a useless piece of shit that should just fuck off and die" quite like an employment rejection letter. Thanks bunches, Mullin TBG.
- NYE was melancholy for me. I was lucky enough to ring in the new year with my parents and Annie, Anthony and the boys. But it was my first NYE without Ninang. I actually went to text her at Midnight and when I suddenly remembered, I started to cry. I started off the new year in tears.
- All these "firsts" without her this next year are going to suck big time.
January 2012:
- New year...new beginnings, right?
- Over the past year that my bouts with PMS have become considerably bad. The pains, the moodswings, the edginess, the urge to come right out of my skin or run screaming from the building are overwhelming.
- I've gained weight. I've always been in the same 5-10lb range...fluctuating in correlation with my loathesome PMS and periods. But along with the raging hormones and the weight gain, my body has also decided to revisit Depression-land. I've been sleeping a lot...not wanting to do much of anything. Since I'm sans health insurance at the moment, there's not much I can do except ride things out.
- Because all I can do is ride things out, I want to disappear for a while and deal with things on my own. I've mentioned "taking a break" to several friends --- by "break," I mean not much dancing...not too many phone calls...and for the most part, everyone seems "cautiously okay" with the idea of me not being in touch for a while. When I say "cautiously," I mean they're okay with it because they have no other choice but to be...BUT they will step in and pull me out of Misery-town if and when they feel I need to be pulled. Fair enough.
- My Godmother would have turned 71 on the 14th. I went to visit her gravesite that day. I miss her so much.
- My hooker, Angie turned 40 this month --- I took my mom with me to her house party and we had a blast. It was nice to introduce everyone to her. She finally got to put some faces to the names I constantly mention.
- Karrie G also turned 40 this month...and her hubby Chris G who hit the fabulous 4-0 back in April. I think most of my friends are turning 40 this year. Hell I'M turning 40. Wow...CRAZY.
February 2012:
- After a 4-month hiatus, I re-connected with my HS friend, Trish. The last time we saw each other was before my Ninang passed away in October. It seemed like life just took both of us on this rollercoaster ride and we hadn't been able to really get back in touch until now.
- It's true what they say --- People come into your life, at specific times, for a specific reason. I say this because hanging out with Trish more regularly has been a blessing...if not for anything other than helping me keep my sanity...she has been a Godsend.
- I've been home about 5 months now. And I'm settling into a rough routine. The best way I can describe it...it's kind of like putting on an old pair of shoes you hadn't worn in a while --- you put them on, not remembering why you stopped wearing them in the first place...until you take a few steps...and you spend the next several minutes or hours pushing past the pinches and awkward pain...re-wearing them in. That's kind of what I've been doing these past 5 months...Moving back home...not really remembering why I wanted to leave so badly...and then, after taking a "few steps" realizing exactly why. I've been re-learning how to live with (a houseful of people) my family again. That being said, here's a not-so-random thought --- It's entirely possible to be sitting at a table or in a room full of people and still feel like you're completely alone.
- Though I'm unemployed, I feel incredibly BUSY with (seemingly) NOTHING. It's so strange.
- All the job openings I'm getting are jobs I've applied for 2 or 3 times already. I really wish companies would update their Career Builder account.
And with that, consider yourself "caught up."
